


We'll Be All Run Run Running Away

by NevermindBye



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: College, Escaping boundaries, M/M, Now edited wuhu, Roadtrip, Running Away
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-09
Updated: 2014-12-09
Packaged: 2018-02-28 17:45:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2741417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NevermindBye/pseuds/NevermindBye
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They started looking at each other in the hallways - shyly, fondly. They found their daily brief encounters to be the only thing to hold on to. They end up trying to pursue the horizon.</p>
            </blockquote>





	We'll Be All Run Run Running Away

It started kind of randomly. They'd met gazes in the college hallways whenever they came across each other. Not daring to look for too long. Neither Levi nor Erwin knew the other's name at first. But over the years they learned of course.

Erwin Smith, the hope of the university. Great grades, flawless reputation, charming, handsome, great future ahead. One day probably leading a nation to glory.

Levi Ackerman, the strongest member of the track team. Being at the university with a full scholarship. One day going to participate in the Olympic games and taking the gold medal home.

 

It started so innocently and for some time continued to be like this. Their gazes started to linger a little too long to be innocent but not long enough to be inappropriate.

Grey and blue eyes noticing each other in the masses of people. Locking gazes. They don't remember the first time they noticed each other, who saw whom first. Levi saw Erwin and Erwin looked right back. And that's how it started.

 

After some time they started to tell stories. Whenever they saw each other, they stared. They sucked in each others appearances. No coyness or shame left. They fell quickly and very hard.

Soon the stares were joined with shy smiles. They never talked, they never said hi. They didn't even know each other.

When Levi had a stressful day, he strolled through the crowded hallways on purpose. He refused to just go home, no, he needed their daily brief encounter. Maybe only once, on most days at least three times. And when he'd see the tall, blond boy who was called Erwin he knew, his stomach pulled together uncomfortably comfortable.

 

* * *

 

One day he noticed Erwin before Erwin had spotted him and Levi saw the stern, stressed expression on his face. Exhaustion was written all over his matte eyes. That was the first day they touched. Pale skin on warm skin. There were the stares and the smiles and for the very first time, Levi reached out his hand and let his fingers lightly, gently brush over Erwin's knuckles.

This was also the very first time Erwin stopped his pace and turned his head. His steps slowing down, slowing down and then coming to a halt altogether. He looked at the boy who was called Levi, he knew, until he vanished in the crowd. Of course Levi never knew this. Of course Levi never knew that for a brief moment Erwin was relaxed and at peace. Before his frown reappeared.

 

It was all bodily attraction to this point. But still without any backthoughts, any boners. And then, next to the butterfly, blossoming time, there were the hard, the harsh times. It was around exam season. Students dependant on caffeine, sugar, energy drinks and nicotine, stressed out, sleepless and full of sorrows.

And on top of that Erwin's parents had decided it would be best for their son to start an internship at his father's company so he'd get used to the climate there and also so he would familiarize with his future workplace. Before entering the huge building Erwin's father had put a big, smooth hand on his son's shoulder and quietly said: ''If you do well, this place will be yours someday. If you don't, you'll clean its floors and your name tag won't read Smith''. It was a weird feeling walking by the window washer afterwards.

 

And on top of that Levi had decided to come out to his parents because his dad had decided for his son to finally 'get some' at a brothel with the cheapest lady they had there. Instead of 'screwing' her, like Levi's dad had advised him, he talked with the slightly reeking woman. She understood, kept her badly painted mouth shut and sent him off with the words ''At the end of the day, it's you who has to be happy''. And Levi had decided he couldn't be happy unless he adhered to his homosexuality. While his mother kept weeping and whining, his father was quiet, his eyes half-closed.

This was two years after Erwin and Levi's first encounter.

 

The next day, when Levi walked through the hallways and spotted Erwin, whose features were all too familiar and whose voice he'd never heard but so often imagined whispering sweet nothings into his ear, this time was the first time Levi avoided eye contact. He could sense Erwin's presence, he could smell the combination of his detergent and perfume and he could feel the warmth radiating from him, but Levi kept bowing his head and was determined to walk by unnoticed.

When he was stopped by a steady and strong hand hesitantly reaching for his, he looked up and saw the dark circles under Erwin's eyes. His features had sharpened over the last couple of years but now he looked like a shadow of his former self. The big hand around Levi's smaller one was squeezing lightly and Levi just reached up with his other hand and traced the dark circles under Erwin's eyes with his fingertip for a second. He rested his hand on Erwin's cheek for another. Erwin had closed his eyes in appreciation and for a moment Levi saw the traces of a smile on Erwin's all so concerned face. When he opened his eyes though, they were glassy and his eyebrows were furrowed in worry. Levi swallowed and started walking again. He buried his hands in the pockets of his jacket.

This was the longest encounter they ever had. The longest conversation.

 

Erwin had a lump in his throat and a fire in the pit of his stomach thinking about who could have possibly hit Levi so hard they'd leave a split lip and a black eye without him punching back. Because Levi's knuckles were as white as skin can be. Because not only Levi's cheekbone was broken.

 

* * *

 

From this point on they weren't only highlights of the day for each other, they became the only thing they both could hold on to. Neither brave enough to finally say something. Either willing to risk what they have for something they never had.

 

* * *

 

Levi didn't come to university with another black eye or split lip. That was good. But he seemed unhappy even when he was smiling.

Erwin's circles under his eyes faded away. That was good. But his cheeks have gotten hollower and his skin paler. The smile didn't come as easy as usual.

 

* * *

 

One day Erwin decided to see Levi outside the hallways. He had heard of the decathlon Levi would participate in. It was a two day tournament and only the best could sign up for it.

Erwin saw Levi running. Jumping. Flying. His body bending and stretching and moving. He seemed so alive Erwin almost didn't recognize him.

He won. Of course he did. And when he was standing on the pedestal on the highest point and looked at the crowd with a medal around his neck he still didn't seem happy. Relieved, yes, delighted, but clearly not happy.

When the ceremony was over he climbed down the pedestal swiftly and two people, a woman and a man, neither of them exactly tall, walked towards him, arms open, big smiles on their faces. Levi offered them a tiny smile himself. Erwin missed the smile Levi gave him when their – what was it even – _their thing_ started a couple of years ago. Shy but honest. Shaky but hearty. Saucy but humble.

 

Levi had seen Erwin in the crowd watching him. He didn't know for whom he was there exactly, if relative or friend or if he just enjoyed watching sports. Or maybe even watching _him_.

Levi won and was standing on the pedestal when he saw the ever-lasting concern on Erwin's face. His parents hurried towards him and congratulated him, embraced him, his mother even kissed him on the cheek. They were proud and happy and his father wearing a content smile on his lips. Everyone around him was happy.

 

* * *

 

Over the years they saw each other five days a week. At least once. Whenever the other was mentioned in a conversation, their shallowly beating heart skipped a beat and their steady breathing stopped for some seconds. They were falling in love and they knew it and they were scared. Falling in love with a stranger is dangerous. It's like falling in love with a fantasy, an illusion. But falling in love with a stranger is also beautiful. Breathtaking and brave. Setting your hopes on a set of eyes, a crooked smile, long fingers and delicate wrists. You play with possibilities, with looks and imagination.

 

They saw each other five days a week at least once over the years. They came across many firsts and lasts and coulds and woulds. First smile, first skin-to-skin contact, they could not hold onto this forever, would this work if they started wording their attraction to each other? So there was the day after so many days spend together, they didn't see each other.

 

Levi went down the hallway where they usually met. He crossed it once, twice but still Erwin was not in sight. His steps came to a halt at the end of the hallway, turning around, waiting, waiting, he felt this tingling in his veins. He looked around, standing on his tip-toes, swallowing more often than necessary, but his throat was as dry as a desert. The students around him didn't notice him, didn't pay him any attention, bumped into him, pushed him, ignored him. Levi pushed back every time. Laughter, chit-chatting, shouting, whispering, clattering, rumbling. It's so weird. When your world is slowly starting to fall apart and earth just keeps on spinning. You understand how unimportant you are. You do everything in your power, everything that is demanded and expected from you, you fit every shape you get pressed into, you stretch and bend and crack and break and put yourself together again to fit. You forget to breathe, and sleep dreamlessly, you lower your voice in conversations and avoid eye contact in trains. You go to college, read about politics to smalltalk with your parents about anything, anything, you try to keep everyone around you smiling and content. But at the end of the day you stand in a hallway full of people, crying, breaking, screaming, aching and you notice that the last straw you held onto is gone _-will it come back?-_ and there is nothing left to keep you sane. But then again. Who says insanity isn't the highest degree of sanity.

 

Levi goes home. It's his parent's house. They told him to move in again to keep an eye on him. He obliged because otherwise they wouldn't pay for his apartment anymore and he wouldn't have anywhere else to go anyways. He wouldn't be able to go to college anymore.

He sits in his room and can't feel his body. Doesn't feel the aching. He is numb. Numb but exhausted. Even without doing anything he feels tired. This tiredness is fogging his brain, allowing him to work. He isn't doing anything. Waiting maybe. For the next day maybe. Tomorrow he would wait for the day after tomorrow and someday he would wait for the day when life left him and he hadn't lived once. It strikes him that many people feel the way he does but very few were aware of it. It's a blessing, the dullness of not seeing things. It is a tragedy. Those smart people who notice and who can't do anything because what was there they could do? 

 

Levi's mind is blank when he hears something crashing against his window. Then again. And again. It peeks Levi's interest and he stands up from his bed to look out of the window.

They've seen each other at least once on five days a week. Except for one day. Because the clock read 00:04 when Erwin was standing in Levi's mother's garden and threw rocks at his window glass. The clock read 00:05 when Levi opens the window and lets the cool air flood his lungs. They stare and while Levi grows warmer and warmer, Erwin grows nervous.

''Come with me,'' he whispers. Loud enough for Levi to hear.

''Where to?'' Levi leans over the window sill so he could see Erwin better. On the street, miserably parked, is a car with a running engine.

''Anywhere,'' Erwin says and laughs. The first time Levi hears him laugh and it is sugar frosting and decorating the christmas tree and fresh bed sheets and rain on flushed skin.

For a moment Levi considers laughing it off, inviting him in for a cup of tea and a talk and becoming friends with him. And then he turns around grabbing a bag he used to take with him when he went to visit his grandparents before they died and stuffs underwear, a few books and shirts and a photograph in it before throwing it out the window where Erwin has to take a step backwards in order to avoid it falling onto his head. Then Levi grabs a pen and a sheet of paper and scribbles a single sentence on it, placing it on his pillow. He half-jumps and half-climbs out of his window and lands on soft grass.

 

Erwin is waiting for him, even though not for very long because in no time Levi is standing infront of him and looks up at him, bright eyes and rosy cheeks from the chilly wind and the exertion of climbing down the house wall. He has no idea what he is doing. A day ago he has been going to college and has been working for his father and today he skipped his lectures, collected every cash he could get his hands on, packed a bag and was about to run off when he thought of the small boy he had fallen in love with. And it seems like that boy has been waiting for him all along.

For a moment neither of them say a word and just grin at each other. Then Levi reaches out his hand and offers Erwin to shake it.

''Hi, I'm Levi,'' he says when Erwin takes it.

''Erwin. Nice to meet you,'' he retorts and they hold onto each other's hand way too long.

 

When they sit in Erwin's car they are quiet again. They drive through their hometown in the middle of the night, blinded by the street lights and the moon, and when they pass the city-limit sign Erwin turns on the radio and they take up singing to some pop songs from the top of their lungs. As if they knew the right words or the right melody. As if they knew where to go or where they even come from. As if they knew that they were stupid and young and irresponsible.

After flatly singing an especially cheesy pop song by Lady Gaga or Katy Perry or Taylor Swift, god knows who, they start playing 20 questions. Then they switch to playing Kill-Fuck-Marry. While killing Christian Bale, fucking Heath Ledger and marrying Michael Caine, they shyly hold hands and Levi curses a lot and Erwin chuckles a lot and they end up sleeping in the car and Levi says he'd like seeing Europe some day and Erwin says he'd like to open a confectionary and they both want to go to a music festival and they decide to visit an opera to laugh at the actors totally childishly and they decide to stay around as long as to see if grey suits the other, the stars their only witnesses. They notice they can't sleep, or decide so, whatever, and so Erwin continues driving until they come across a public swimming pool.

They climb over the fence and Erwin gets stuck and his knee starts bleeding but he just wipes the blood off when they get rid of their clothes and jump into the freezing water. They don't even swim, they just splash the other with ice cold water, pretty sure they would get sick in a couple of days until Levi has his arms around Erwin's neck and their faces are so close they are breathing the same air.

''I'm totally homo for you,'' Erwin says. The most romantic thing anybody has ever told Levi and Levi can't yet grasp his luck.

''Then shove your damn tongue in my mouth already, you old gay,'' he replies and laughs, laughs. They touch their foreheads and stare, stare.

''What are we even doing,'' Erwin says and his eyes are the same color as the water.

''Being young and stupid and saving our fucking lives probably,'' Levi laughs and throws his head in his neck. Erwin is entranced, enchanted.

''I saw you running. I thought if I was planning on running away it had to be with someone who can run like you,'' Erwin admits.

Levi reaches forward, pecks Erwin's lips once, then pulling back to give Erwin a fond smile. Erwin returns the smile and also another kiss to the corner of Levi's mouth. They kiss and kiss and with every touch of lips their worries grow more and more distant.

 

* * *

 

When the sun begins to rise they lie in Erwin's car on the back seats, holding onto each other to keep warm. After waking up Erwin tells Levi of his dream that the two of them travelled to Korea for a weekend just to tell their friends they have been there. Levi laughs and calls Erwin imaginative and also says he's hungry.

 

* * *

 

They travel through the country for two weeks, on their way picking up four different jobs to earn some more money, even though Erwin has enough for some time, but like this they have something to do. Then they drive by Las Vegas, get drunk and get married. Their rings are made of plastic and their wedding vows are stolen lines from 'The Bridges of Madison County' and they cackle with laughter while citing them.

They never regret their wedding and they like to look back at it. Remember how they danced to some techno scene song blasted from a club on the street as their wedding dance. Erwin is the worst dancer ever and Levi is tipsy and his ears are red from the alcohol. A good kind of tipsiness though.

 

* * *

 

They travel through the country for a whole year. Just the two of them and Erwin's car. They have no perspective, nowhere to go to and nowhere to come back to. They hold hands and go skinny dipping in the sea and they fight so hard that they have to get the door of Erwin's car fixed once but while waiting in a cheap hostel for the car service station to call them back, they share a bed again and cuddle and kiss to make up for the screaming and thrown insults.

 

Even though Levi goes under 'Smith' now, his parents manage to contact him when the two of them are in Arizona, helping out at a small ranch for a few weeks. On the phone Levi tells his parents that he won't come back and that they should just let him live his own life now and that he is happy and not as pale anymore, and yes, he promises to give them some updates from time to time. When Levi hangs up again, for a moment his eyes are matte again, but when Erwin embraces him from behind and presses a wet smooch to his neck Levi lightens up again but still swats Erwin's calloused hands away.

 

On their anniversary Erwin hands Levi an envelope who skeptically opens it. Taking out the two tickets that are inside, his eyes widen and his hands visibly start shaking.

They sell Erwin's car and it's both sad and promising when they leave it behind. But they can't take it with them, not to where they are going.

On the plane an elderly gentleman accuses them of committing an abomination for holding hands. Levi takes care of the situation. Five minutes later the man is a little white around the nose and very quiet and Levi firmly puts his hand back into Erwin's who kisses his little husband's temple fondly.

 

* * *

 

They send Levi's parents a postcard from Rome and a photograph of them in front of the Castle Sant'Angelo. Erwin likes Italy, the people and the mentality, the sun on his skin. Levi likes the pizza and the fields of sunflowers and poppies but he hates how he doesn't get a tan but freckles instead. Erwin adores them though, traces patterns on a cluster of them on Levi's lower back and presses kisses to the ones under his collarbone.

 

They buy a new car, an old VW Polo, dark blue and even smaller than Erwin's former car. It drives good and was cheap. With a German car they make their way to France. Levi loves it there. They settle down in a smaller village near Toulouse, they ask for work and a lady in her best years offers them a job at her bakery. They get a small pay and are allowed to stay at the lady's house until they find their own place.

Erwin notices how much Levi loves France. He's as passionate as the French, also eager to learn the language and he enjoys the work. They rent a small apartment not too far from the bakery. It has got one bedroom, a small kitchen and a tiny bathroom. While sitting on the toilet you could wash your hands and take a footbath in the bathtub all at the same time. It is that small.

 

One day, when Erwin comes back from grocery shopping Levi surprises him in the kitchen. Erwin had all but forgotten about his birthday, but Levi obviously hasn't. He had printed out every photograph they had taken on their journey and glued them on the kitchen wall in a round shape above the kitchen table.

''Do you like it or no?,'' Levi asks with raised eyebrows. A smile spreads over Erwin's face as he takes three big steps across the room and scoops Levi up in his arms, hugging him tightly to his chest, Levi's small feet dangling in the air. Levi protests weakly against Erwin's cuddling but soon he wraps his legs around Erwin's waist and cuddles back.

''I love it. Thank you, baby,'' Erwin murmurs into Levi's ear.

''Happy birthday,'' Levi murmurs back, taking Erwin's face in his hands and kissing him softly. Erwin sighs into the kiss.

''I love you,'' he says.

''Love you, too, dummy,'' Levi says.

 

* * *

 

They live there for another three years and then decide to see Germany. When they close the door to their first apartment together, both of them have a lump in their throats. Their eyes get watery when they tell the nice lady goodbye and in the car, still the old dark blue VW Polo, they listen to music extra loudly to push their worries to the back of their minds.

In Germany Erwin starts an apprenticeship as a confectioner and Levi as a bookseller. They live in a city called Göttingen and it's not very big. It's famous for its university but neither Erwin or Levi bother to ever even visit the campus.

This time their apartment is a little more spacious, they even have a living room and a small TV. They have problems speaking the language but they visit courses in the evening and after a few months they are already able to have small conversations in German.

For Levi's birthday Erwin gets him a kitten. It's aversion at first sight. Levi doesn't like the kitten and the kitten doesn't like him either. Levi wants to call it nothing but Erwin just decides on a name anyway. Soon Thomas has his own usual spot on the sofa, no matter how often Levi shoos him away.

 

* * *

 

One night they lie wide awake in their bed and trace the contours of their naked bodies with their fingertips. It's late, so late that it's somehow early again, but they just can't find sleep.

''We wasted years,'' Erwin says while kissing Levi's eyelids.

''What do you mean?,'' Levi asks back in a sleepy voice.

''We wasted years just looking at each other,'' Erwin explains, running his hand through Levi's black strands of hair.

''Do you really think that? That we wasted time?'' Levi sounds almost irritated. Erwin smooths out the angry crease between his thin brows with his finger. He thinks of their apartment, their photographs, their crappy car, the postcards, Thomas, the plastic rings on their fingers.

''No,'' he then decides, ''no we didn't waste time. We wouldn't have any of this if we hadn't waited so long, would we?''

''How did you even think of just stopping by a stranger's house and trying to persuade him to run away with you in the first place? That's crazy.''

''Well, I was crazy about you. That was the most reasonable thing to do,'' Erwin said while nuzzling Levi's neck. He liked just lying on top of Levi, enveloping his small body with his own. Levi just strokes his hair soothingly, not bothering the weight on his chest at all.

''You know what we still haven't done?,'' Levi asks.

 

* * *

 

Six years after their son left home, Mrs Smith finds a letter in the mailbox. The envelope is thick and the edges are rumpled, the letter hs come a long way it seems. Mrs Smith brings it inside and opens it with shaking hands. Even though there is no sender written on the envelope, she's got the feeling it was written by someone special. She only has to read the first line and a tear escapes her eye, staining the thin paper, blurring the dark blue ink it was written with.

 

> _Dear Mother,_
> 
> _It has been a long time since you heard of me. As I am writing these lines I still don't know what I want to tell you but I feel that it's time to contact you. I have to be honest, if it wasn't for Levi, you probably wouldn't be reading this letter._
> 
> _We currently live in Germany. Too bad grandma has died, otherwise we would have visited her. For that matter, when I talk of 'we' I mean my husband, Levi, and me. We got married right after we left home. I think in other circumstances you would have liked him, as well. He is very passionate and strong and I love him more with every sunrise. He's the one next to me on the photographs._
> 
>  

Mrs Smith puts the letter away to look at the photographs. On the first one Mrs Smith recognizes her son, looking more mature and more like a man than a boy. He has a fish in his hands and grins at the camera with closed eyes. His cheeks are red, burned by the sun and his hair is blonder than she remembers it to be.

On the second photo he's not alone. Erwin has his arms around another man's shoulder and their faces are squeezed together. His eyes are closed again, but his skin looks healthier. The other man seems to be smaller than him, a lot actually, and looks like the opposite of Erwin altogether. His hair is pitch-black and his skin pale and his eyes are bored and heavy-lidded. But his smile is genuine and he touches the hand on his shoulder with his own tenderly. In the background you can see the Eiffel Tower, but it looks dull and grey compared to the rosy hues of spring on their cheeks.

The third picture shows both men again, standing in front of an old looking green door. Mrs Smith figures that it has to be the door to their apartment, probably their first. Now she also sees how much taller Erwin really is than Levi. They are standing very close to each other, Levi slightly in front of Erwin, craning his neck to look at Erwin and Erwin is looking down at him in return. They seem so in love.

The last picture shows them in front of a tent. Both dressed in shorts and tanktops and wearing sunglasses. The background shows some sort of stage. It's huge. Just like their smiles. If she wouldn't know better, Mrs Smith would say they were both pretty drunk when the photo was taken. She laughs out loud at the thought.

 

> _Levi and I have been in a lot of places together. We travelled through the USA and saw bits and pieces of Europe. We lived in France for a couple of years and worked for a nice lady who reminded me of grandma in some ways. Then we moved to Germany. I'm going to be a confectioner soon and Levi will be a bookseller. We don't know if we want to stay here, yet. But we have a whole year left to decide on that and to figure out what we want to do._
> 
> _I am unsure if you're even interested in what I tell you, mother. Do you want to know that I am finally happy and look forward to tomorrow instead of just enduring each and every day? Do you want to know that Levi can give me the kind of happiness you never could? Do you want to know that my hands are calloused and coarse and not smooth like father's?_
> 
> _All I know is that I want you to know. For the most part you were a good mother, and I don't want you to think otherwise. Right now, I am not ready to come back yet, but I'm not saying I won't ever._
> 
> _Best wishes,_
> 
> _Erwin_

 

* * *

 

''I see us in old and grey. White hair and big belly,'' Erwin says one night.

''With 30 sons and 40 daughters and a hundred grandchildren,'' Levi responds.

For a moment they are quiet. They look at each other with shining eyes.

 

* * *

 

They are standing in a driveway in front of a big house. It's covered in snow and chains of lights. Nothing has changed much since the last time Erwin had seen it. It's so familiar but seems to be from another world or life all at the same time. Levi stands close to him, spending him warmth and comfort. A small, chubby hand is holding on to his index finger and gives him courage.

They make the last steps until they stand in front of the entrance door and Erwin hesitantly reaches out to ring the doorbell. It plays the same song it has when Erwin had been still a little boy ringing the bell just for fun to listen to the light melody again and again.

He takes a deep breath, holds it, holds it, and exhales through his mouth. It's so cold that his breath creates a small cloud, fading into thin air a moment later.

The door opens. Erwin stands more upright, stiff, clenching and unclenching his fists. Levi takes it into his free hand behind their backs.

A woman with wrinkles around her eyes and with curly, coiffured hair that is gradually getting grey is standing in front of them. She wears a thick lilac turtleneck pullover Erwin remembers seeing on her not so long ago. But the woman wearing it has changed. Hair not so blond, lips not so full, eyes not so bright, stature not so straight.

''Erwin,'' she breathes. Her voice sounds hoarse, matching her wide eyes and the hand covering her mouth in surprise. With the other she clenches her heart.

''Merry christmas, mother,'' Erwin says, a shy but soft smile in his eyes.

Mrs Smith frantically brushes away the tears running down her cheeks. She looks from her son to the small man next to him and back at Erwin.

''Is that our grandma, daddy?,'' the little girl Levi is holding in his arms asks quietly.

''I think so,'' Levi answers her, smoothing down the cowlick on the back of her head.

Mrs Smith looks at her and smiles widely, then looks down at the other little girl holding onto Erwin's hand. They are wearing matching deep red coats and white dresses underneath.

''This is Levi, my husband, and our daughters, Lena and Louise. Can we,'' he swallows, ''can we come in?''

 

* * *

 

''Levi, don't move!''

''Huh? Is there something on me?''

Erwin reaches out a hand to touch Levi's hair. They are standing in front of the bathroom mirror, getting ready for the day, doing their best to look fine.

''You – there is a grey hair! You've got a grey hair,'' Erwin laughs and takes it between his fingers to show Levi. He looks at it in the mirror, his eyebrows furrowed skeptically.

''No way, I'm barely forty!,'' Levi shrieks and gets closer to the mirror to have a better look.

''Oh really? You've been forty for quite a while, haven't you?,'' Erwin mocks him, ruffling Levi's hair to get back his attention.

''Don't you dare laughing, you old gay, have you looked in the mirror lately? You have wrinkles around your eyes! Crow's feet!,'' Levi retorts with a smirk.

''No way!'' Putting his head on top of Levi's he takes a look at his eyes. Pulling and pushing skin but Levi is right. There are most definitely some wrinkles. But instead of freaking out over this, Erwin smiles and places a kiss on Levi's hair, snaking his arms around his bare chest and pulling him close for a hug. Sometimes Erwin wishes he had counted every hug, every kiss, every time they made love just to know how many times they confessed to each other. Over and over again. This man who saved him and whom he could save back when thunderclouds darkened the sky but no thunder was yet in sight. No rain just drizzle on their smooth and pale skin.

''What are you smiling for, huh?,'' Levi says while turning in Erwin's arms to hug him back, his head above Erwin's heart, listening to the steady beating.

''You grew old with me,'' Erwin murmurs into Levi's hair. Levi chuckles against his skin.

''Well, I was a little drunk when I promised to do so, but a promise is still a promise, isn't it.''

They stand there in their small bathroom. One of their daughters going to college, the other doing the same as they did when they were still young and insane; travelling the world with nothing but a shitty car and the air in her lungs.

 

''You think they are happy? Our girls?,'' Erwin asks, the smile faltering. Levi puts his hands on both of Erwin's cheeks when he notices the worry in his eyes.

''We did good, Erwin,'' Levi says, ''Louise wants to be a writer, you know. That's why she travels the world. To have something to write about. For inspiration. Of course I worry about her being able to earn enough money to get by, of course I do. But I also worry for Lena, if she'll be happy with being a physician. I can't understand why she chose to be something like that. But she said it made her happy,'' Levi sighs, ''We did good. We tried.''

Erwin smiles at him weakly, nodding his head and carefully brushing over Levi's eyelids with his thumb. They tried their best, indeed.

 

* * *

 

When Levi looks at Erwin, he sees the poppy fields in Italy. He sees the smell of fresh baguettes coming right from the oven. He sees the smallest bathroom ever built and a rusty car running on faith instead of gas. He sees the beaming eyes of their lovely twin girls on their first day of school. He even sees the first grey hair on his head. He sees the boy in the hallways of their college, with dark circles and hollow cheeks, and he also loves this Erwin, even though it's hard.

 

* * *

 

Running away isn't always bad, nor is it always good. Levi once read a poem he liked and even showed Erwin. It went like this:

 

> _I saw a man pursuing the horizon;_
> 
> _Round and round they sped._
> 
> _I was disturbed at this;_
> 
> _I accosted the man._
> 
> _''It is futile,'' I said,_
> 
> _''You can never -''_
> 
> _''You lie,'' he cried,_
> 
> _And ran on._

**Author's Note:**

> This thing was inspired by a tumblr post asking what you would do if your favorite character one day stood infront of your window and asked you to come with them. This is my answer.
> 
> Title is a line from Tom Odell's 'Sirens'.
> 
> Feedback very much appreciated! :) Hopefully this helps me getting over my writer's block. If you want to you can talk to me on my tiny [tumblr](http://mindless-lott.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Have a nice day or night or whatever! Merry Christmas or whatever you celebrate!


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